Balance

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Balance can be tricky on and off our yoga mats. It requires presence, a solid base, an open heart, a willingness to be strong but flexible and the courage to fall. The things that help me balance on my yoga mat are the same things that helps me balance in life. Sometimes I am strong and light and can balance like a flamingo. Other times I am clumsy, heavy and can barely stand on two feet. This practice is exactly the same on or off my yoga mat. The key element that connects the two is the willingness to be present for all of it.

As I glide through the sweet spot of summer. That in-between time where there is no unpacking the book bags or preparing for a new school year, where the days are hot, the nights are long and there is a lot of  together-ness, I am keenly aware that time is precious and each moment matters.  While I may falter in my balance many (millions) of times throughout the day, what yoga has taught me is the ability to remain present through it all.

Behind The Scenes, Lululemon Ambassador Photo Shoot

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lululemon athletica Wayne has asked me to be their Ambassador! I am very excited and honored to embark on this journey with them! Yesterday we had a lululemon athletica Ambassador photo shoot. It was so much fun and a little nerve-racking all at the same time. Here are a few outtakes from behind the scenes.

I look like I am about to take a bite out of Rachael’s shoulder. 

I look like I am about to take a bite out of Rachael’s shoulder. 

Group shot with the AMAZING Abby from Lululemon Wayne,  and fellow yogi ambassadors Rachael and Carlyn.  Abby did such a stellar job of making us feel comfortable and light and confident. Thanks Abby:)

Group shot with the AMAZING Abby from Lululemon Wayne,  and fellow yogi ambassadors Rachael and Carlyn.  Abby did such a stellar job of making us feel comfortable and light and confident. Thanks Abby:)

Me trying to look pleasant. The uber-cool photog kept saying, “look pleasant”. I may have to use that one with my kids this summer!

Crossing The Finish Line

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“There are bold captains and old captains, but no bold old captains.” For some reason this is the quote I was thinking about after being pulled into a pontoon boat a mere few minutes into the swim portion of the race.

The previous day I had spent a lot of energy contemplating the cycling portion of the race. It was a hilly 18 mile ride in the Pocono Mountains and it had been raining for the past 24 hours. The roads were slick and there were a lot of fast riders in this group. I was completely freaked out about the ride. I never even considered the swim portion. I am a swimmer that’s what I was bringing to the race. As we entered the water, I found my way to the front for a few minutes of treading before it officially began. I felt pretty good, pretty confident. I took off at the start and pretty soon after something happened to my body. It started in my chest and made its way up to my neck and I couldn’t breathe. I rolled onto my back to try to mitigate what was happening. I thought I got myself together enough to move on, so I began to breast stroke very slowly, I must have gotten kicked or pushed under or who knows, but next thing I know I was being pulled into the boat. I began to cry from relief and joy that I could breath and from frustration about what had happened. I can not remember a time in recent history that I felt so defeated and alive all at once. They started asking me questions like what day is today, who is the president. I couldn’t figure out why the hell they wanted to know this when I had a race to finish. Obviously I was not  coherent! As they plucked a few more people out, I realized, oh- today is Sunday and Obama is president. Yes, I was pretty out of it I guess. It’s hard even now to explain this and have any  perspective. When you are right in it, right in the moment, at the edge of it all, there is no thinking mind.

Since I was only doing the sprint distance, I was low man on the totem pole of race participants. In other words, once they saw I could walk and talk, I was released to do whatever I wanted. So, I made my way to the transition, got on my cycling gear and took off for the ride from hell. But a crazy thing happened along the way. The ride I had stressed so much about, the ride that had me tasting fear throughout the previous evening was no big deal. Yes, it was hard as hell and the hills were a bear and the rain was scary, but I could breath and I had a new appreciation for breathing! Once I transitioned for the run I felt alive and well and so grateful for my family being there, for my breath and most importantly I was grateful the race was almost over.

As I turned the corner and headed for the finish line my 3 boys ran along side cheering me on. Under normal circumstances they are an incredibly loud and boisterous bunch. It is not unusual for me to tell them to quiet down,  but in that moment I was in heaven and their voices sounded like angels. Hearing their voices, feeling their energy, seeing their smiles and crossing the finish line was a moment I will never forget.

What I learned from this journey and from the experience I had in the water will take time for me to understand fully. On the surface levels I am reminded, yet again, the things we stress about usually do not ever come to fruition, while the things we don’t even consider can knock us under. This is a lesson I have been learning and re-learning for a while now. Perhaps this time it will be assimilated.

I embarked on this adventure to honor my friend Dan Schultz for all he and his family went through and for all of the courage and dignity they displayed and continue to display. An amazing group of people helped raise over $3200 for the awesome organization For Pete’s Sake. Isn’t that So COOL! I also hoped to inspire my kids to know that they can do anything they put their minds to.  While I wasn’t smooth or dignified in this race by any measure, I survived it, crossed the finish line and feel stronger than ever before. I am planning on doing another one soon, however, I may choose one with warmer water next time so I can be bold and old!

namaste y’all!
 

Training with Warriors

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Yesterday I trained with these warriors. Don’t let their smiles fool you. They are fiercely focused, they like speed and they are determined to WIN.

This training session was not exactly planned. The day had gotten away from me and by the time they got home, I still had to train. So, we set out to do a loop or two around the neighborhood. They on their bikes and me on foot. My youngest is a consistent training partner and it is usually delightful to run as he rides. But, add another kid in the mix, specifically an older brother, and the little guy gets fire in his heart and a primal desire to pummel the competition. So, my leisurely run turned into a race with warriors. With only 3 days until my big race. WAIT! only 3 days! I need a moment to let that sink in….okay- with only 3 days until my big race, I guess The Powers That Be knew I needed a little fire in my heart as well.  I am not exactly known for my speed, so seeing these two race as if their lives depended on it, was exactly the spark I needed to enter this competition on sunday with some added zeal and focus.

As I slither into my wet suit on Sunday and prepare to do my first open water swim with a ton of other people, I will be thinking of Dan Schultz who should have celebrated his 39th birthday yesterday. I will be thinking about how he too was a warrior through his battle with cancer and how so many individuals and families face this same battle day in and day out. As I swim, bike and run (oh my!) I will be borrowing both Dan’s determination and the fierce focus of my warrior racing children.

My rocking road crew!

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I completed my first triathlon yesterday with the most awesome road crew around.

My Dad drove me to the race and with his cool demeanor, stuck by me the whole time till I got in the water. It felt like old-times- when I was a kid swimming in an event. I was so excited to start swimming, that I took off fast. I wanted to show my Dad I was still a superstar!

I decided to do this tri as a practice for a tri I am doing May 19th to honor my friend Dan Schultz. I have made the May 19th tri so public, that I thought it might be a good idea to get one under my belt before I do it for “real”. I am so glad I did this as a practice as I learned so much. For starters, maybe I shouldn’t try to be such a hot- shot (this is relative) in the water. There is probably no need to impress my Dad at this point. I am pretty sure he thinks I am great and the winner of the entire triathlon despite any official race results. Second thing I learned was to pick up the speed in transitions. I think I can do better than 4:38 minutes. I also learned that I am VERY thirsty when I swim and bike and run. I need to hydrate more efficiently before, during and after the race. I also learned that speeding down hills freaks me out and the wind is very loud. Going uphill is extremely quiet and difficult- especially when I haven’t figured out the gears and I am on the toughest one. OUCH- my quads were cooked and I was only 3 miles into the ride. I learned a lot yesterday and all of it will be helpful May 19th when I race at Black Bear to honor Dan.

So, on Sunday, May 19th, I will race in honor of Dan with a little more experience under my biking shorts. My awesome road crew will be dis-baned as they all have stuff to do that doesn’t include following me around. We will continue to raise money up until race day in honor of Dan for the awesome organization For Pete’s Sake. If you are interested in contributing, please click here. 

Cycling Training Tool - What is Paincave?

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Aside from not being a great runner, I am not what you would call a skilled cyclist. Most of my experience is on a beach cruiser noticing the trees and the sky. Not exactly useful skills in a road race! So why on earth would I sign up for a race that involves two out of three skills I lack? Click here to find out. Also, with all of this physical training, I have been thinking that when you meet your edge and take a leap, you have a chance to soar. I am not suggesting I am soaring at the moment, but I am focused on the training and (hopefully) setting myself up to finish the race with some dignity intact. Part of this training has involved an awesome online training tool called Paincave. Paincave was started by my cousin Michael Egan, so I am a little biased about it’s awesome-ness. But, honestly, it’s the real deal!

Paincave is an membership site that offers training videos. They have elite athletes in a studio, “The Paincave”, integrated with footage from races around the world. You set up your bike on a trainer, turn on the episode you choose, and get top notch coaching along with lots of inspiration. Being a novice cyclist, with limited time to train, I have found the racing footage inspirational and the structured workouts are very helpful! I feel like I am getting focused coaching, great tips and the scenery makes it feel like you are really on the road. Since I have started Paincave, I have found I am a little more skilled on the bike! I especially like episode 4: Seaside to Paso Robles

I will let you know how all of this training pans out in a real race. I am doing my first tri this Sunday. I decided to sign up for one to practice for the Black Bear Tri in May. Fingers crossed I can make it!

Tri it With a Smile In Honor of Dan Schultz….For Pete’s Sake!

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It has been a couple of months since I posted about the May 19th Triathlon I am doing to honor Dan Schultz . A lot can happen in a couple of months! All of the physical training has pushed me to my edge physically and mentally.  I have learned so much about how I tell myself “stories” about what I can and can not do. I have learned that  most of the “can not do” is based in fear. I set out to do this tri to honor Dan and to show my kids anything is possible. Every single time I am pushed to my edge (which is pretty much every training session) I think about Dan and all of the other brave beings who have fought cancer or are fighting cancer. This has been such an inspiration to me to move forward with my training and to live my life to the fullest.

When I set out to do this Triathlon, I thought about raising money through a donation based yoga class. After chatting with many friends about this, I have come to the conclusion that we are all so darn busy and while people want to be a part of this, they may not be able to make it to a yoga class. So, I have decided to set up a page for donations. All of the money will go to For Petes Sake. For Petes Sake is an awesome organization that gives cancer patients and their family’s a respite from cancer. This organization is near and dear to the Schultz family as many happy memories were created on a trip to Florida in the midst of Dan’s battle. For Pete’s Sake took care of everything so Dan, Sue, Maddie, Avery, Quinn and Sadie could just be together and create cherished memories. Check out this video the Schultz kids made (all on their own!) about the annual For Pete’s Sake walk. Aren’t they so cool and creative!

Write here.Last summer, my son and his friend set up a Lemonade stand and raised some money For Pete’s sake.

I am hoping we can raise some money too! If you are interested, please click here to make your donation.

What You Are Looking For, You Already Have

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I first heard this ancient fable from Tara Brach . Perhaps you have heard some version of it before? Here it is….

There was this gifted thief who like to hang around the Diamond District. One day he saw a man purchase the most beautiful, clear, luminous diamond in all of the district. Naturally, he followed this man as he got onto the train. As they traveled along, the gifted thief used all of his skills to rob this man of his diamond. Nothing worked. As the mans stop approached, the thief couldn’t take it anymore, so he stopped the man and introduced himself. He said, “excuse me sir, you may not know this but I am the most gifted thief in all of the land. I know you purchased the most beautiful, clear, wonderful diamond today and I have been trying to rob you of it to no avail. This has never happened to me! I am always successful! Please tell me where you hid it.”  The man said, "I know exactly who you are and I saw you following me, so I hid the diamond where I knew you would never look.”  The thief said, “please tell me and I will leave you alone.”  The man said, “I put it in your pocket.”

What we are looking for we already have. It’s a lot closer than we think, and, it costs nothing! I have found the way to connect with this is to get really comfortable with being quiet and still for a short period of time each day. From this place of quiet, stillness, prayer, divine oneness, open consciousness, heaven, connection with God, love- whatever you want to call it- we can align to what it is we were put here on earth to do. We are all divine beings placed here to fulfill our potential. This potential can be scary if we let it, or we can just surrender to love and trust that all is well.

Letting go of figuring things out

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Have you ever gone through a rough patch? Ever feel like your having a “bad” day. Maybe you feel under the weather physically, mentally or emotionally. Perhaps a life crisis has hit or is brewing. Maybe things just aren’t going your way. Or, more accurately, the way you think they “should” be going. We get into a habit of trying to figure things out, control the situation, the outcome, our thoughts and feelings. What if we simply let go? What if we began to cultivate the habit of ease?

Here is some wisdom from Liz Gilbert:

“Don’t fall apart, it becomes a habit. Stay calm and know you are where you are right now for a very important reason. Life will never give you something you can’t handle. It will all make sense in a little while, but for now go back to basics. Drink water, breathe deeply, eat foods that heal, surround yourself with loving people. Read books that resonate with you soul. Go for a walk in the woods, on the beach, in the park, in your back yard. Anywhere you can breathe fresh air and see the sky above. Close your eyes, connect, remind yourself of the things you have to be grateful for, and let the words THANK YOU become your most important mantra. You can handle this, you are strong, you are whole and you are not alone.”

I happened upon this quote as I was trying to “figure out” how to handle a rascally hip flexor issue I have encountered while training (overtraining, perhaps?) for the TRIATHLON (I just said that in an Oprah voice). I am going to allow myself to let go and not figure anything out. I am going to rest and let it be and know there is a plan far greater than anything I can figure out. And, in all of that, I am going to cultivate the habit of ease.

Home.

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Going away is wonderful and sometimes necessary. For me, getting away to sunny Jamaica affirmed many things. Simple things like I love sand and warm water (seriously, who doesn’t?), I love eating well and connecting with people, but mostly it affirmed that I have all the answers I am looking for, right here in my heart. A week of practicing and teaching yoga and meditation at Jake’s Hotel in the village of Treasure Beach in Jamaica was a really nice way to spend time and realign with myself.  But, coming home is the BEST! Home is where the heart is and my heart lives in 3 little boys, a husband and a handsome dog.  They stink up my house, wrestle with each other like puppies, resist eating vegetables (not the husband), laugh freely, love without boundaries, live in the moment fully and feel everything deeply. More than anything in my experience, and through repeated mis-steps on my end, they have taught me to trust my gut, to listen to that voice of wisdom in my heart and to live in each moment fully. It’s not always, or ever, perfect, but it is Home!

Yoga in Jamaica

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This is a beautiful sunset off of Treasure Beach at Jake’s Resort in Jamaica. Jamaica is a beautiful island, made even more beautiful by its people. As I settle into my third day of a yoga retreat, I am reminded of the importance of being gentle and kind. I believe we are all born knowing this, regardless of our circumstances. This seed is either watered and cultivated or left dry. I have come to find that it only takes a simple setting of a positive intention to have those feelings arise. Then with regular practice- watering the seeds, if you will- they grow. Often, they grow in ways we never expected.  Sure, it is much easier t do this as I sit and look at a sunset in delightful Jamaica, but those seeds are there regardless of where we are in this world.

Namaste

Light in life - Yoga with kids

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February is Career month in my son’s kindergarten class. The teachers  have invited various parents to share their vocation with the kids. The visitors have ranged from a Veterinarian to a coach to a radio personality. Yesterday it was my turn to go in and share yoga with these divine little beings. I must admit I was a little intimidated. Give me a full house of adults and I will have no problem, but a classroom full of kindergartener’s, I was sweating (literally). There was lots of talk at my house prior to my visit. My little guy wanted to know what my plan was, would I bring a yoga mat, could he be my assistant, would we be doing tree pose, and on, and on. He even reviewed with me what I was supposed to say as I entered the room. They would all be sitting quietly in a circle and I was supposed to say, “wow, you are already doing easy pose.” Since I have lots of experience working with, um I mean coaching, my youngest son in sports, I knew he meant business, so I did as I was told.


The experience was so delightful for me and I hope for them too. There is something magical about this age. They are inquisitive and sweet (mostly), and they are still so full of life and love. One of my son’s kindergarten teachers said she loved teaching Kindergarten because the children are still so close to God. I definitely felt that as I sat and breathed with them. Children at this age know how to let go so easily, their hearts are still so open and full. They haven’t begun to build those walls we all build that close us off to life and love. Instead of me teaching them yoga, they taught me how to be more light in life.


Like anything we do that pushes us to our edge, whether it is physically, mentally or emotionally, we come out the other side changed. Even if only for a moment. I went into that classroom feeling nervous and intimidated and left feeling inspired and light.
 

New blog post at MindBodyGreen

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Have you ever seen the website MindbodyGreen? It is one of my favorites, and not only because they publish my stuff! Check out my new blog post on their site or below!

6 Ways To Cultivate Wisdom And Presence

Sometimes we are not able to "touch" deeper levels of wisdom and presence until we're ready. The spiritual path has no finish line or destination; it's a singular journey onto ourselves. Mostly we need to get out of our own way and simply ALLOW. 

I have found that allowing requires practice, just like coming onto our yoga mats and practicing breathing and foot placement, or going to soccer practice and doing the touches over and over again. It's through this precise practice that we're able to set the stage and allow ourselves to "touch-in" to a deeper knowing and to show up in each moment with presence.

I have found several ways to practice this throughout a typical day:

1. Practice gratitude. 

Every morning, really every new moment, is a chance to count our blessings. Gratitude practice makes exactly what you have in this moment enough.

2. Practice kindness. 

In this culture of busy-ness where we all do so much and move at such a fast pace, sometimes kindness can get lost. Rushing around is a kindness killer. If we can just stop, breath and offer a kind smile to ourselves, or someone else, we begin to stop the cycle of frenetic behavior that dehumanizes all of us.

3. Practice patience. 

Patience is like the twin to kindness. When we practice patience we are able to be more kind. Usually it only takes a breath and a moment to remember that we all deserve patience. The key to patience is that it begins with yourself, exactly where you are.

4. Practice love. 

"All we need is Love...." The Beatles go it right. Just like patience, love must begin with ourselves. This is not an ego filled, stand in front of the mirror admire ourselves type of love fest. This requires you to shift your awareness to your heart and give your self the love that you would give an adorable dog, cat, kid, etc. When we cultivate Loving-kindness within ourselves, we are able to spread that love more freely.

5. Remember to breathe. 

Just breathe, it really is that simple. Breath is the gift of life. As children we breathe deep into our belly’s and generally live more freely. As we get older, our breath moves up to our chests and shoulders. We begin to lose the connection to our breath and bodies and live in a state of constant fight or flight. When we reconnect with our breath, we can begin to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system and cultivate a state of rest and digest. This is no small thing and takes lots of practice!

6. Allow stillness. 

It is in the stillness that all of this integrates. When we allow ourselves time to be still and quiet, we begin to draw a road map of sorts. This road map is like a road map to sanity. We begin to let-go more and touch into that deeper place where all of our wisdom lies. From this place we can be fully present.

Personal Best

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When I practice yoga or swim in a pool I am totally flowing and in my own space. I have heard athletes talk about being in a zone, dropping into your breath and the moment. That is how it feels. In yoga we call it “staying on your own mat.” I have come to understand that this takes a while to learn to let go of what’s going on around you and just drop in.  When I teach beginner yoga, I always mention the importance of enjoying the journey and mentally staying on your own mat. Since I have been practicing yoga for a while, this comes more naturally to me, and as I have started to swim again I am able to “drop in” there as well. Running is a TOTALLY different story. I find that I am consumed with my heaving breath and I am literally counting the seconds as I run. I am doing the sprint triathlon, so I only have to run a 5k and while that may seem like no big deal to most people, it is a big deal to me. Did I mention I am a really slow runner? Well, yesterday I had my Personal Best (or is it Personal Record? I don’t know what the official lingo is as I am NOT a runner- I mentioned that, right?) Here is a picture of me as I logged in a 12:13min/mile for 2 miles. Instead of telling myself that is really lame and I must improve, I am going to practice what I preach and “stay on my on mat.” Or in this case, I am going to stay in my own stride, take this little gain and run again tomorrow.

Team Verge…..Tri it with a Smile

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Many years ago, almost a life time ago, I was a competitive swimmer. I only mention this because I am clinging onto the hope that my body, mind and spirit will have some sort of “memory” of this and be able to kick in to gear and move through water without sinking to the bottom. I am doing my first triathlon on May 19th. I have registered and everything. By everything, I mean I am two weeks into training, I have told people that I am doing this, and I even bought a seriously ugly tri suit that makes me look like a short bald man. Oh, I also retrofitted my (taller) husbands racing bike to fit me. Well, it sort-of fits me.

I was inspired to do a triathlon last spring after watching my friend Dan fight a courageous battle against cancer. After almost 2 years of fighting this disease, Dan passed away in June 2012. I became friends with Dan and his AMAZING wife Sue after we realized we shared a babysitter. Truth be told, the child whisperer known as Katie Fitton was their babysitter. We were merely borrowing Katie from time to time. Like everyone who knows Dan and Sue, we became fast friends. When Dan was diagnosed with cancer, we had so much hope that he would survive it, but that was not God’s plan. Dan fought such a courageous battle with Sue, his four beautiful children and his extended family at his side. They demonstrated such grace and guts throughout Dan’s journey. They were and continue to be a major inspiration in my life.

Soon after Dan passed away I had an idea that I would honor him by doing a triathlon. I mentioned this to Sue one day as I was riding around our neighborhood on my beach cruiser (more on this later). I came home, told my husband and then thought HOLY SH&%.

As time went by, my desire to honor Dan was clear and a desire to show my children that anything is possible emerged. However, I couldn’t figure out how to JUST DO IT. I heard about CNN Fit Nation and Dr. Sanjay Gupta selecting a group of people to help them train for a triathlon. I submitted a video and crossed my fingers. I was hoping I would be selected because then I would be accountable. I never got selected. Soon after, I heard that my friend and fellow yoga instructor Carlyn was training for a tri in May.  One thing led to another and TEAM VERGE emerged. Along with five other yogis,  I will be doing the Black Bear Tri on May 19th. OMG! We all have our own reasons and inspirations for embarking on this journey. My intention for this triathlon is to honor the way Dan Schultz lived his life to the fullest and to hopefully inspire my children. Dan lived his life to the fullest and has inspired me to do the same. Dan did everything with a smile, that’s why I am calling it TEAM VERGE….Tri it with a smile.

From time to time I will update this blog about how my training is going. What I have learned from only two short weeks of training is that I am really hungry after I swim and I am not a very good runner. Actually, I have always know I was not a good runner, now I am faced with it again and again and again.

I will be offering a couple of donation based yoga classes before May 19th to raise money and awareness to be donated in Dan’s honor. The cause is TBD. Stay tuned!

I have a Secret and it is Silence

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In an article I wrote for MindModyGreen I share 12 observations about a weekend of Silence.

I recently spent 62 hours in silence at a meditation retreat at Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts. Here’s what I learned.

  1. Silence is not always quiet
  2. Food tastes infinitely better, or worse, when you eat slowly, quietly and mindfully.
  3. Silence let me see that I was tired and I require more sleep than I have been allowing myself.
  4. Being alone and quiet is just as important in my life as being with loved ones, eating well and exercising. For it is in the silence that I can hear God whisper in my heart.
  5. Silence allows me to pay attention precisely to the chatter in my mind and then I can choose to let the noise go and rest in being.
  6. Silence showed me that I attach stories to my feelings and that makes the feelings heavier. If I allow myself to just feel the feelings without the cloak of stories, I am lighter and more free.
  7. Silence allowed me to listen to my body closely and hear that my body needs to move. Both slow mindful movement and fast heart pounding mindful movement.
  8. Being silent and paying attention in a mindful way with 100 other people reminded me that we are all Divine beings who have more in common than we do different.
  9. Being silent reminded me that I feel connected to the outdoors. That it is important for me to go outside and listen to the wind, look up in the sky, feel the rain, hear the trees sing.
  10. I learned that stillness is ever-present regardless of the situation. This stillness is Divine. To attune to it,  all we have to do is pay attention to our breath and drop into our body to see what is already and always present.
  11. In my silence, I remembered how important it is to take time every day to be still, quiet and reconnect.
  12. Silence is strong but soft.

Many people have asked me if this was a fun or awesome or a horrible experience. Some people have looked at me like I am weird. Others asked how could I bear to be away from my three precious children for that long and …. all for some silence?!

My response is that it was a profound experience. I came home more grounded, clear and free of the burdens I thought I had.

It’s like taking out the trash or cleaning out that junk drawer. I now have more space to be present. And, YES, I will go away again and be SILENT. But probably not next weekend.